Consent
How to navigate sexual encounters
On this page we explore how to navigate sexual consent safely.
Consent is an agreement between two or more people during any interaction, including sexual encounters. During sexual encounters, boundaries exist for each participant. Sexual assault is the violation of these boundaries.
In this informative resource, we will explore what consent means, how to communicate it effectively, and why it is particularly important within the gay and queer community.
It’s important to understand how to communicate your boundaries, as well as knowing how to respect everyone else’s boundaries. Making sure that everyone is consenting to a situation is vital.
Understanding Consent
What is Consent?
Consent is the voluntary, clear, and enthusiastic agreement to engage in any sexual activity. It is essential for all individuals involved to be willing to participate in any sexual encounter. Consent should never be assumed, coerced, or taken for granted.
Consent is unique to each situation and changes constantly. Understanding consent requires considering each participants’ personal experiences, relationships, and the context. In queer spaces, this means understanding the unique ways in which people communicate, and the culture of the space and community. Being aware of these factors helps us to avoid unwelcome coercion or manipulation in different experiences.
It isn’t always possible to say no or stop something you don’t enjoy. So, consent isn’t just about giving the green light, but also listening and respecting the boundaries of others. It’s a shared responsibility to honour the experience and ensure everyone is enjoying it.
Understanding Consent with the FRIES Model
Consent must be given willingly and without any form of coercion, pressure, or manipulation. It should be a choice made by each individual involved without feeling forced or obligated. If someone cannot consent, such as because they are asleep, they cannot consent.
The FRIES model is model used to make sure consent is present.
Freely Given: Consent must be given willingly and without any form of coercion, pressure, or manipulation. It should be a choice made by each individual involved without feeling forced or obligated.
Reversible: Consent can change at any point during a sexual encounter. It's essential to understand that anyone can withdraw their consent at any time, and it should be respected immediately when this happens.
Informed: All parties involved should have a clear and complete understanding of what they are agreeing to. Communication about boundaries, desires, and intentions is key to informed consent.
Enthusiastic: Consent should be expressed with enthusiasm and positivity. It's not enough for someone to simply give in reluctantly; they should actively want to participate in the activity.
Specific: Consent should be specific to the activity in question. Just because someone consents to one activity does not mean they consent to all activities. Clear and precise boundaries should be established and respected for each aspect of the encounter.
Be aware that in non-heteronormative settings, consent might look different or be less obvious. Therefore, we advocate for an approach that considers the individual’s capacity to act, and the interactions with other people and external factors.
The Importance of Consent
In the LGBTQIA+ community, the significance of consent is magnified. Many individuals within this community have faced unique challenges, such as discrimination and stigma. Ensuring that consent is respected and valued can help create safer, more inclusive spaces for everyone.
How to Communicate Consent
Open and Honest Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of consent. It is crucial to openly discuss boundaries, desires, and expectations with your partner(s) before engaging in any sexual activity. Always be honest about what you are comfortable with, and encourage your partner(s) to do the same.
Non-Verbal Cues
Consent can be expressed non-verbally as well. Pay attention to body language and cues from your partner(s). If someone seems uncomfortable or unsure, stop and check in to ensure they are still on board. In some queer settings, non-verbal cues might be more common, and include non-verbal initiators to sex that are useful to understand. You can learn more from us on this in our Queer Landscapes workshop.
Consent and LGBTQIA+ people
Respect Gender Identity and Expression
It's important to remember that gender identity and expression within the LGBTQ+ community can be diverse. Always respect the gender identity of your partner(s) and use the correct pronouns. Misgendering can be emotionally distressing and a violation of consent.
Acknowledge Past Trauma
Some individuals within the LGBTQ+ community may have experienced trauma related to their sexual orientation or gender identity. Be mindful and respectful of their experiences.
Consent violations and finding help
Understanding Consent Violation
A consent violation occurs when an individuals consent boundaries are not respected. This can include actions like ignoring a partner's request to stop or engaging in sexual activity without consent being established.
Getting Help
If you experience a consent violation or witness one, it's important to seek help and support, such as at the Centrum Seksueel Geweld. You can find more information on your options at our Get Help section.
Remember, your safety and well-being are paramount, and there is support to help you in your journey.
