Sexually transgressive behaviour, sexual harassment and sexual violence are terms used to describe unwanted sexual contact.

Sexually transgressive behaviours that can intimidate, humiliate or harass can include catcalling, touching against your will, or verbal abuse.

Sexual violence includes all unwanted sexual contact, including non-penetrative sexual contact.

It can also include online abuse, such as having your pictures shared, or receiving pictures or messages you didn’t want.

20% of men will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime, and 25% of gay and bisexual men have unwanted experiences each year. You should not feel alone if something has happened to you.

Consent is an agreement between two or more people to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated, and can be withdrawn at any time. If consent isn’t respected, that’s sexual violence.

Consent is unique to each situation and changes constantly. Understanding consent requires considering each participants’ personal experiences, relationships, and the context. In queer spaces, this means understanding the unique ways in which people communicate, and the culture of the space and community. Being aware of these factors helps us to avoid unwelcome coercion or manipulation in different experiences.

It isn’t always possible to say no or stop something you don’t enjoy. This can be part of the Freeze response to trauma. So, consent isn’t just about giving the green light, but also listening and respecting the boundaries of others. It’s a shared responsibility to honour the experience and ensure everyone is enjoying it.

If you’ve experienced sexual violence, there are a number of support services available to you in the Netherlands.

Within the first 7 days of a sexual violence occurring, you’re advised to seek help at the Centrum Seksueel Geweld in your local municipality. Their number is 0800-0188

Here you can find urgent psychological and medical support, STI testing and PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) to prevent HIV infection.

If you experience symptoms of depression, anxiety, anger and/guilt for more than one month, you may have post traumatic stress, and it is advised to seek psychological help.

We offer support through our therapists, who can help you to navigate your recovery and balance yourself. You can contact them via +31 64 7848 123 or info@menaswell.nl and they’ll arrange a convenient time to talk to you.

There are other treatment options available. You can contact us, or your huisarts, to discuss the possibilities.

You don’t need to tell anybody about your experience until you’re ready. Nobody should pressure you into doing something you're not ready for: legal action, talking about the trauma, sharing your experience.

It’s a good idea to find somebody you trust to help you on your journey, who can provide you with support. Take things in your own time, and tell only people you feel comfortable with.

If you’re HIV negative and you’ve had unprotected intercourse, you should seek PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) within 72 hours of the event, to prevent HIV infection.

You can do this via the Centrum Seksueel Geweld (0800-0188), or your local GGD Soa-Polikliniek.

You should go to the police if you wish to seek conviction for what’s happened to you. You might feel most comfortable contacting them through Roze in Blauw, the LGBTQIA+ association within the Politie. Their number is 088-1691234

Filing a complaint with the police is an option for those who feel it is the right step for them or part of their healing process after experiencing sexual violence. However, it's useful to recognize that the outcome may not always align with expectations. Reporting sexual assault can entail a complex and potentially traumatic process involving interactions with law enforcement and the court system.

In the Netherlands, you can register your experience (melding) or open a criminal case (through an aangifte).

You can consult with a trusted individual or professionals before making such a decision. Contact Centrum Seksueel Geweld (in the first 7 days) or MenAsWell here.