Supporting somebody

How to help survivors of sexual assault

Harassment or sexual assault is not easy to share, and your response can make all the difference for the victim. Here are some pointers for a conversation that will help the victim feel properly supported:

  • Recognition of Assault:

    Demonstrate empathy, trust and listening.

    You can respond supportively for example: "I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you", "What happened is really wrong and should not happen", "It's not your fault", "I'm here for you".

  • Clarifying Needs and Returning Control:

    Make an active effort to understand what the person needs, whether they are still in danger, and let them choose what the next step will be.

    Say: "Are you okay?", “Is the person who was hurting/bother you still here?", "How can I help you?", "What do you want to do now? “In case the person is confused and has difficulty answering, it is recommended that you offer options - "Do you want us to keep him away?", "Want to go home?", "Do you want me to help you find your friends?", "Do you want me to call someone? “

  • Seeking Help:

    Once the person you’re supporting has decided their next steps, make sure to help them find the support that they need. This can be medical help, psychological support, legal help or just someone to talk to. The sexual assault centre is available to provide relevant support within the first 7 days. See “Get Help” (LINK) for more information. You can say things like: “"It was not your fault", "Do you have anyone to talk to about this? It is better not to remain alone with it,” "I'm sorry this is what happened“.

What to avoid

It’s important to make sure that the journey for the survivor is as simple as possible. Responses from others can affect the recovery of the victim. To avoid causing unnecessary discomfort, you should understand what not to say or do.

  • Avoid judgment and blaming:

    Do not fault the person for what happened and do not judge their reaction as the situation played out in real time.

    Don't say: "Why didn't you do 'X'?", "You should have done 'X'!", "Why didn't you come to me first?“.

  • Avoid minimising or disregarding what happened:

    
Don't say: "Okay, it happens to everyone", "There's nothing to do, it's just like that here", "It's not so bad".

  • Avoid applying pressure as much as possible and don't go behind the back of the victim:

    Don't say: "You MUST file a complaint", "You MUST go to the police", "We decided to...X “.

    Do not preach morality or try and educate do not apply blame or try and educate
Don't say: "You should drink less", "Do not flirt with strangers", "Hope you learn from it for next time”.

  • Do not apply blame or try and educate

    
Don't say: "You should drink less", "Do not flirt with strangers", "Hope you learn from it for next time”.