Physical disability and sexual abuse

Terry Kriz

First of all before getting to the article, I want to make a disclaimer: I do not have a physical disability nor have I been in a close relationship with someone with a severe physical disability, therefore I cannot speak for people with disability. I have tried my best to narrate possible problems and scenarios that people with disability might run into but I am no expert. If there is anything that seems not in line with your experiences or you have feedback, ideas, experiences you would like to share, we would love to hear from you! Please email us at info@menaswell.nl.

There are many forms and shapes that sexual abuse can take place. One group of people who is severely underrepresented in the discourse of sexual abuse are people with physical disabilities. From the statistics we can see this is not because sexual abuse takes place any less, rather the topic of sexuality is often avoided when it’s related to disability. In this article I will describe how people with physical disabilities may be at a larger risk for sexual abuse than people without disability.

Disability and sexuality

Disabilities are as diverse as snowflakes and can range from mild and not needing any day to day support to severe and needing around the clock care. This means the experience of being disabled is unique. One thing that binds people with disability together however is something that Gaelin Lea brought to our attention: people with disabilities are rarely included sexually or romantically in the media. 

It seems that people are afraid to recognize or try to ignore the sexual side that many people with disability undoubtedly have. This fear can be extremely harmful and result in people with (severe) disabilities not getting the proper sexual education that they need and deserve. Another harmful consequence might be that the person with disability feels undesirable and likely to be excluded from the dating scene, whether that is due to the lack of accessibility of many places or the perceived unwillingness of other people wanting to date someone with a disability. This can lead someone to become vulnerable to predatory behavior and less likely to recognize red flags and stand up for themselves when their boundaries are being crossed, which leads us to the next topic.

Disability and unequal relationships

When someone is not fully included in society due to their disability it can lead to them not learning how to deal with certain situations, and this may be especially true for sexual situations which is too often a taboo. When not experienced or educated sufficiently on the topics of sexuality and consent they might not recognize when their boundaries are crossed and when they do notice something is ‘off’ or wrong they might not have the skillset or confidence to set those boundaries straight (aside from being at a physical disadvantage). 

When someone needs physical help in their daily activities such as washing and dressing there is a risk of boundaries being crossed. If you have a physical disability and you feel uncomfortable with a certain person helping you or don’t feel comfortable in a certain situation it is okay to refuse help, or ask for someone else, it is not difficult, or rude, these are your personal boundaries and they are important.

It is imaginable that a caretaker and their client develop feelings for each other. This in itself already creates inequality between the caretaker and essentially their client, which makes a healthy and balanced relationship difficult because the person with disability is in a disadvantageous and vulnerable position. There is a certain dependency in the relationship that creates a power imbalance which puts the person with disability at risk for (sexual) abuse. In the case a caretaker and their client wish to continue a romantic relationship these problems should be taken into account and possibly resolved by finding a replacement caretaker to create a more healthy distance in the relationship.

Lastly, same as with any toxic and/or abusive relationship. Having a physical disability can create a power imbalance in the relationship where the partner will only help with certain tasks in return for something else, cross boundaries or not help anymore due to an argument e.a. While this partner may seem a helpful and caring partner on the outside, they may have a different side to them in the house leaving the victim confused and isolated. The above stated examples are unacceptable in all situations, love and care should not be conditional in any situation, nor do you ever owe someone sex. If you experience sexual abuse, or suspect someone you care about is experiencing any kind of abuse know that there is help, talk to someone you trust or see our page for where you can get help..